dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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