Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
