Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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