Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I didn't notice because vodka
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
