I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
