it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
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