She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
i think i just lost a toe
Dick very happy bro
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
