i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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