i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
