I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
