I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize