If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
This beer is not sobering me up at all
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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