Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
