our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
