oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
