fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I think I am morally bankrupt
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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