I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
