I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
