The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
