don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize