Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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