so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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