could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize