After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
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