she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
