Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Randomize
