no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
