dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
