this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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