I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
its liver damage thursday
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
