Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
