$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Welp...herpes.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
