Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize