atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
