oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
