Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
