so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
