If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
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