trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize