i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
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