I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
