my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I wish you could order shots online.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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