When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
