I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Randomize
