Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
