she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Don't EVER smell your tampon
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
