Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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