I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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