is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
