No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize