But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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