I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Two words: nipple clamps
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