what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
