You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
