I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Randomize
