No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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