shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
