FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
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