I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
