I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
