Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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