if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
