Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize