I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize