my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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