So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
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