Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
