She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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